


i'll hold my breath

by retts



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Allusions to asphyxiation, Character Death, Claustrophobia, Dark, M/M, Resurrection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-17
Updated: 2014-02-17
Packaged: 2018-01-12 19:36:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1196916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/retts/pseuds/retts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He came to his knees and stared upwards, at the tunnel-view of sky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll hold my breath

**Author's Note:**

> Circa October 5, 2011
> 
> (I actually really really like this one)

There was no air, was the first thing that came into his head. Wait. No. He could breathe, chest rising and falling in shallow increments, but there was still too little air. And it was so dark, gods, he couldn't see anything. He raised his hands and touched wood above him. Fingers scrabbled sideways and yes, yes, he was trapped in a box with scant air supply. His feet came up and kicked at the top, slowly at first, then becoming frenzied as his lungs began to burn.   
  
"Help, help," he croaked out, voice small, throat scratchy. His fingernails dragged against the wood. He had to get out. He had to leave. He had to breathe. He had to go to - go to -  
  
A cry tore from his throat. His mind buzzed with images: a bright, smug grin; a sword swinging in the air; the dark shadow of a beast; a feathered hat; twin goblets; a man with a crown. They came fast and overwhelming and he slammed an open palm on the wood above him, his other fist punching the side.   
  
Oh gods, it was so dark so hot so tight so alone alone help help help  _Arthur_    
  
And suddenly, with a flare deep in his chest and behind his eyes, he could suddenly breathe. He inhaled deeply, tasted wet acrid earth and something wrong, unnatural, in the air. Tears streamed down his face as he lifted his arms. His hands dragged down the sides of the pit.   
  
Out, out, out, a voice whispered in his ear. He came to his knees and stared upwards, at the tunnel-view of sky. He dug his fingers into the ground, found purchase, and began to crawl out, weeping as he did so.   
  
  
  
  
  
The fire flickered in the hearth, casting shadows in the room. Arthur sat on the edge of his bed, staring down at his hands resting on his lap. He'd not moved in a while. His ring glinted in the faint firelight.   
  
It was surprising how easy it was to breathe. Arthur had been expecting it to be difficult, impossible almost. And yet there he was, inhaling and exhaling with ease. There'd been a tightening in his chest at first, when Merlin had first fallen, and Arthur had been certain that he would suffocate when Merlin hadn't opened his eyes minutes, hours, days later. But they'd laid Merlin to rest now and here was Arthur, still breathing.   
  
In, out. In, out. In, out. In, out. In, out.   
  
It was so strange to hear it: Merlin gone. Gone where, exactly? Arthur always knew. Merlin might have been a crappy manservant but he always, always let Arthur know where he was going, even if he'd lied. How many times had Arthur wished for Merlin to go away?  _Stop being such a fool, Merlin, and leave me alone!_  Yes, exactly. And now Merlin was gone. The Idiot of Camelot, gone.   
  
Gwen had wept, of course. So had Gaius. If Morgana were around, perhaps she would have laughed. But Arthur? Arthur only breathed, in and out, in and out, in and out.   
  
Arthur didn't hear the shuffling footsteps, the drag of clothing on the floor. He didn't even hear the door opening, a drawn-out creeeeeeak.   
  
But he did hear breathing, fast and hysterical and loud. Arthur looked up.   
  
Merlin stood by the doorway. The firelight splayed shadows on the sharp angles of his face. His dirty face, streaked with mud and tears. Merlin was absolutely filthy, as if he'd been crawling in the mud.   
  
"Arthur," Merlin exhaled, the name coming out strangled as if he still found it difficult to breathe, even when Arthur saw the perfect rise and fall of his chest.   
  
Arthur recoiled in horror. He got to his feet, reached out a hand and then dropped it. He began to tremble. Gods, it couldn't be. It couldn't  _be_. He had helped put Merlin into the ground himself. He had placed a hand on Merlin's chest, willing it to move and had cried because it hadn't. So by the gods, this shouldn't  _be_.   
  
"Arthur," said Merlin again, and this time he raised his hands. Arthur cringed and felt sick. The nails were broken and shattered and his cuffs were stained with blood and soil. Merlin's eyes were bright gold, hazy, full of longing and fear. "Arthur, I felt so alone. I'd been so cold and then so hot in that dark place. But it's alright now. I came back. I'm sorry I ever left."

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is absolutely welcomed :)


End file.
